today was

maybe life is about today
today with 80 days left until graduation
today when we visited him at the hospital
today and Beto's runs and buying chapstick because I can never seem to actually finish a stick before I lose it
today and the call you didn't make and the email I didn't send and the adventures we didn't go on
today and one less today until july 22
today and one less hour of sleep
today that started this morning at 12:00 am and how I wasted  10 hours and 14 minutes of it sleeping
today and there is only one of those, of these
today and life starts now
today.

happiness and i

I straighten my hair, stand in the commons, dance at dances, and go to parties like the rest of them.

The truth of it all is that I'm not happy.
And I haven't been happy in a long while.

But a week ago I promised my smile I'd wear it at least for a little while. And that I'd dig out my laugh from God knows where I buried it.

And this is really just a list of happiness.
1. Chocolate
2.  Long calls on the phone for no reason at all
3. My brother comes home in June
4. Long walks
5. Lists and schedules
6. Customers that realize they aren't entitled and I'm giving up my Saturday night so they can have it off
7. Blasting music loud enough to make my thoughts give up on their relentless screams
8. Sunny days in February
9. Making him realize what he lost
10. Red lipstick
11. Lots and lots of blankets
12. Memories and phases and that song
13. Cologne (...dark temptation is hands down the best)
14. Christmas lights and I don't even care that it's March


So next time you see me straighten my hair, standing in the commons, dancing at dances, and going to parties, please
please, please, please
remind me of what really makes me happy.